Today was the final day of my summer Internship of Bliss, in which I was surrounded by Shakespeare and cool people all day everyday. I will miss thee, Education department.
What use is an internship, however, if you don't pick up a few valuable life lessons? So here are the top 26 things I learned this summer, all thanks to the Bard himself.
1. If your stepmother tells you she is not evil…she probably is.
2. Avoid Italians.
3. If your boyfriend kills your cousin, he’s not worth it.
4. Don’t declare war on the Romans.
5. If you have to be killed, try to be killed several different ways at once. It’s the best way to go.
6. Alternatively, try being turned into a statue. It’s less painful, and you can always come back.
7. When writing a story, pirates are a handy plot devise.
8. So is Jupiter.
9. Many people actually like Cymbeline, including Virginia Woolf. But…she was crazy.
10. No one likes Coriolanus.
11. If you’re having trouble finding love, try narcotics.
12. Always flatter your father. He could banish you to France. And who wants to go to France?
13. If you find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex, they’re in disguise.
14. They could, however, be your sister in a mustache.
15. Never attempt to explain the plot of Pericles.
16. As soon as you marry a guy, he instantly becomes jealous and wants to kill you.
17. If someone gets paid to tell the future, you might want to listen to what they have to say.
18. If they’re just creepy and tell the future, however, ignore them. Creepy=wants you dead.
19. Don’t gamble. Ever.
20. Beatrice and Benedick have dated before. (WHAT?)
21. The Sonnets are only ever about love or growing old. The best ones cover both.
22. Your jolly fat friend is your only smart friend.
23. If it has “comedy” in the title, it’s not funny.
24. Believe it or not, there is a play called “King John.”
25. The guy who’s the biggest jerk to you is your one true love.
26. If an island is inhabited by spirits, enslave them. If it’s inhabited by Italians, run.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.